The Adventures of Trip and Jayne
by Trip and Jayne
Summary: Trip and Jayne at Hogwarts? How much did the Golden Trio ACTUALLY do? parody/humor/OOCness to the MAX what else did you expect? rated T for safety- will contain language in future. also contains a souless girl, references to rubber ducks and CCFP's !
1. Jayne

In an ordinary house on an ordinary street in an ordinary neighborhood in an ordinary town there lived an ordinary girl

AUTHOR NOTE: okay, we don't own anything, we confess… well actually, we own the characters of Jayne, Trip and Esther… though it's not official. But as Trip and Jayne are ("obviously") (snicker) based upon ourselves we kind of own them officially… (and we're sorry if its altogether THAT obvious…) (not) anything you recognize- which will be, MOST of it, ("obviously") belongs to J.K.Rowling. we're just having a bit of fun… (and "obviously" the Hogwarts letter is verbatim and copied straight from "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (or Sorcerer's Stone-depending on where you live)) r&r.

Prologue One: An Extraordinary Girl (or) Jayne's Letter

In an ordinary house on an ordinary street in an ordinary neighborhood in an ordinary town there lived an ordinary girl. Her name is Esther Fizzlestick. She is eleven years old. She has pale blonde hair that is braided into two braids hanging over her ears with pink ribbons dangling from the ends. Her pale blue eyes are hidden behind glasses that take up half of her face. Yes, Esther was an ordinary girl, and this is anything but an ordinary story…

This story is that of the little girl who lived next door to Esther, Esther's best friend. Jayne Doe. An unfortunately ordinary name for such an extra-ordinary little girl. Jayne was also eleven years of age and she had long dark hair that she let hang loose around her face in a black curtain. Her eyes shifted from blue to green to grey. Jayne was an extra-ordinary girl, perfect for this extra-ordinary story…

Jayne's heritage stretched back to ancient Greece and Rome where her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother a woman by the name of Medea sold her soul (and every daughter's soul in generations to come) to the god of the underworld Hades for a shot at magical powers. Hades had granted Medea's wish and so it came to be that her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter Jayne Doe had no soul.

One day, Esther and Jayne were playing with Esther's little kitten-forever doomed to be known as Kitty, when a fat little bird flew over with a small piece of paper tied to it's leg. Jayne reached forward in all of her eleven year old curiosity and read the message within.

Dear Miss Doe,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Jayne let out a little whoop and laughed at such a funny joke. She showed the note to Esther who giggled.

"Funny joke Esther. Very funny." Jayne pouted. "How'd you do it? Water down paint? Buy special paper- you must have saved your pocket money for months."

Esther looked up at her best friend with wide eyes. "I didn't. It wasn't me Jayne, honest."

Jayne frowned and sat back down on the grass with a soft thump. Obviously this couldn't be real. Witchcraft wasn't real. Magic didn't exist. It was all someone's idea of a funny joke. But who? If it wasn't Esther. Maybe her parents? No. Johnny maybe? Johnny was Esther's older brother who loved to tease the girls. It was probably him.

"Which one of you girls is Jayne Doe?"

The two girls looked up and stared in wonder at the most peculiar woman. She was tall and thin. She was wearing a dark green dress under a purple dressing gown; and she wore big sunglasses even though the sun was hidden behind thick clouds in the sky.

"Mummy always told us," Esther spoke up. "To never talk to strangers."

The woman bent over and peered at the two girls sitting on the grass. "Then, little Esther, your Mummy is a very clever Mummy. My name is Minerva McGonagall. Miss Doe, it is imperative that I speak with your parents and yourself without delay."

"What does impera-whatsit mean?" Esther asked boldly.

"It means that it is very important." Minerva smiled softly at the two children, something it looked, that didn't happen all that often.

She walked up the front path and knocked twice on Jayne's front door.


	2. Trip

* * *

Author notes: Well this took forever… I even shortened it considerably. This whole fic is going to take quite a while I think so don't hold your breath.

Disclaimer: If I was J.K Rowling…well I'd be a much better writer for starters.

* * *

01/09/1980

The woman ran frantically across the large front lawn towards the enormous mansion placed at the end of the two long driveways. She was being chased by five men in black hooded robes. She clutched her infant son closer to her breast as she raced onwards. She had just witnessed the murder of her husband at the hands of the five men, and now she feared for the life of her child. She could hear the voices of her pursuers drawing nearer; they were catching up to her. She screamed for help. Two people came out of the mansion and stepped onto the veranda. She ran up the steps and placed her child in the woman's arms.

"Please…take him…protect him" she gasped.

"Avada Kedavra!" the scream came from one of the hooded men. An emerald green light hit her in the back. She fell back down the steps and lay dead at the bottom. The five hooded men stopped and gathered a distance from the veranda.

"You are trespassing on private property," The Arch-duke Orestes of Mountarrerat yelled out, "leave now, or I shall summon the police!"

The five men burst into laughter.

"As if that would stop us you stupid muggle!" one of them screamed.

"Avada kedavra!" three others yelled.

Three jets of green light shot towards Orestes, his wife Electra and the infant that had been placed in her arms.

Before any of the spells could reach their targets, there was a huge flash of blinding white light.

When the light subsided, the men found that there were five glowing women, dressed in white robes over different coloured dresses with two light, silvery wings protruding from their backs, floating between them and their prey, they did not look happy.

"Requiem aeternam," one of them whispered.

One of the five men dropped dead.

The others screamed and scattered.

The four other women flew after them. One killed a man by transforming into a lion and mauling him. Another killed her target by screaming at him so loudly his head exploded. The third struck a man with lightning from her fingertips and the last just flew in front of her target and stared at him. The man spontaneously killed himself.

In another flash of blinding white light, the five women disappeared.

13/07/1991

* * *

Sutton Jason Alexander Ulysses Worth Jarvis had never been an ordinary boy, just look at his name! then take in the fact that his parents had been brutally slaughtered when he was a ten month old baby, add the fact that he had been adopted almost immediately by the people whose doorstep he had been left on, plus his adopted mother had never been able to bear her own children so he was therefore heir to a huge fortune, a duchy and a double arch-duchy. Definitely not ordinary, but then who is? It should probably be noted that no-one ever, and I mean EVER, called him Sutton, everyone called him Trip. He liked this nickname, even though it sprouted from the fact that, when he was younger, he had a tendency to fall over anything and everything. But that was gone now. People also seemed to comment a lot about his appearance, Trip had very pale blonde hair and blue-green eyes, while his parents both had dark hair and dark eyes. But he was adopted so such questioning was soon put to rest.

As Trip walked into the dining room for breakfast, he noticed his father, Orestes, with an empty martini glass in front of him.

"A bit early to be hitting the booze don't you think?" Trip asked, before sitting down.

"Agiesthus wants me to sit in the House of Peers today," Orestes replied.

"Oh," Trip said, understanding, "I'll get you another one then."

Trip's father had two brothers, Jason, who died young, and Agiesthus who was the Lord Chancellor of the House of Peers. Whenever the Peers weren't letting Agiesthus have what he wanted he would get Orestes in to convince them, much to the displeasure of Orestes.

He handed his father a new drink and sat down for his breakfast. The butler soon came in with the mail on a tray; he offered it to Orestes, then Electra, then Trip. Trip had two letters; one envelope had the Eton crest on the top corner. Trip ripped the letter up without opening it.

"Eton?" Electra asked.

"Yes," Trip replied, "why do they assume that I want to go there?"

"So you'd still rather go to a state school?" Electra inquired.

"Yes," Trip said.

"Suit yourself."

Trip looked at the other letter. It was made of heavy yellow parchment and was addressed in emerald green ink. He turned the envelope over; on the back was a blob of purple sealing wax stamped with an odd looking crest. A lion, an eagle, a badger and a snake surrounding the letter H. Trip opened the letter and took out the two pages inside. He read the first aloud;

"Dear Mr Jarvis,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress"

"Congratulations," Electra said.

"I had a feeling you'd get in there," Orestes added.

"I'm sorry, but this place is real?" Trip asked.

"Of course it's real," Orestes said, "my late brother Jason went to Hogwarts."

"Your brother was a wizard?" Trip asked.

"Yes," Orestes replied, "a quite talented one too, he ended up becoming a dark wizard catcher, then he got killed by a dark wizard named Voldemort or something."

"So do you think you'll go to Hogwarts?" Electra asked.

"Well," Trip said, "let's just weigh the options, Wizard school or not wizard school?… Wizard school!"

The doorbell rang. After a minute the butler walked in,

"Sir there is a gentleman here to see young master Jarvis," The butler said bowing.

"Show him in," Trip said.

A tall man with long oily hair, a hooked nose and a pale complexion walked in.

"Good morning, your graces, I am Professor Severus Snape."


End file.
